An Open Letter To My Middle School Self
Welcome to the start of a new series I'm doing where I go back and take a look at the events of my life. I'll discuss some of the choices I've made and even compare some of the differences between then and now.
I only recently noticed that it's going to be almost exactly ten years since high school began for me. This also means, it's been over ten years since I finished the middle school chapter of my life.
The series will just be called "Ten Years." It's simple and to the point. (Aly & AJ fans would get it.)
For the first installment of my Ten Years series, I'm focusing on my middle school years. It wasn't a horrible time, but I also don't particularly remember liking it. There was a lot that I didn't know about the world; a lot I didn't know about myself. And I think now is just the perfect time to put that part of my life to rest.
I'm older—I'd like to think I'm wiser, and I'd also like to believe I give less fucks. So, this should get pretty interesting.
In addition to my new article, I've updated my Playlist of the Week section with some of the jams that sound-tracked middle school for many of us. It's called Emo Dayz and it will instantly bring you back to that time in your life when you felt misunderstood and you wore too much black and Hot Topic was your sanctuary. (Still is.)
Without further ado, let's dive into the letter:
Dear Middle School Riko,
YOU ARE A FUCKING HOMOSEXUAL!
That's it. That's the letter.
Okay, kidding. About the end of the letter part, not the gay part.
You are very gay. You like to bang dudes. GAAAYYYY.
Now that the most confusing part is out of the way; let's get down to business. (To defeat the Huns.)
Not everyone will like you. I know you're a very sensitive person and when someone treats you differently you react as if it's the end of the world. It's not. Sometimes that's just how people are, and sometimes it is that they don't like you. You'll notice it becomes increasingly harder to tell the difference.
Your yearbook signatures do not determine your worth. You may think that filling up those pages means that you have a bunch of friends, but there's a good chance that a lot of those people don't actually care if you "have a great summer." Just because you sat next to them in one class and laughed at the same joke once, doesn't mean you are meant to be friends forever.
This is something that will take years to learn.
I know you don't exactly feel comfortable in your own skin. You need to remember that you are wonderful as you are. Everyone gets zits—it's not just you. And honestly, you will continue to have them, but so will everyone else. It's something we've all just grown to accept.
Well, we've grown to ignore it.
Also, enjoy being skinny for as long as you can. I know you want to eat whatever you want and you believe that you have no consequences, but let me tell you something: losing weight is fucking hard.
Of course, at some point you will embrace body positivity and you'll learn to love the way you look no matter what. But that is also a very long journey.
The world doesn't really help your case either. In fact, it might make it worse.
The media will continually market things to people who are not your size, as well as people who are not your color. Sure, there is a bit more diversity in the world of television, but I know at the time you are not used to seeing people who look like you being represented.
And that leads you to a lot of self-hate.
Luckily, in the future, you start to accept yourself and realize that your blackness is beautiful and you even start to advocate for the cause. You see the beauty in every person of every color.
Which is great because at some point you have a hella white boy phase. (Like for real.)
Other than that, you continue to have an amazing music taste—not to say that your music taste sucks where you are now. Paramore will continue to be your favorite band. Rihanna is not just popular in the moment; she literally becomes the biggest artist in the world. There's also a conspiracy behind Avril Lavigne that you don't believe (because you're smart). And that new girl on Disney Channel, Demi Lovato, will come to inspire you and mean so much to you. Her music will get you through a lot.
Your friend group will stay strong for a while. It'll grow, then decrease, then grow again. And needless to say, people drift apart. You blame yourself for it, but in truth, it's not that deep. You will find out who your real friends are eventually.
Also, don't stress about not getting straight A's on that one progress report despite being sooo close. You will never in your life have straight A's. So, that's something you don't need to worry about.
Oh. OH! And when you get to junior year of high school, avoid AP Psych. I know your teacher recommended it to you because you aced everything in normal psych, but it's a trap and you will fail and go back to normal psych and your teacher will be disappointed.
Let's not forget about that one guy—you know the one. Yeah, you definitely had a crush on him and you didn't know it at the time. Don't worry, he turned out to be a douche bag, so you're good. But you'll repeat that exact situation about 17 more times.
All in all, you'll make mistakes—a lot of mistakes. But that's fine. You'll learn from them and you'll get back up. You're still here. That's the point. Growing up won't be easy, but I promise that you'll have a lot of fun. You'll meet a lot of people. You'll fall for the wrong guys. You'll learn to love yourself. And you'll find your true calling.
I'm not worried about you.
With Love,
An older and wiser Riko