The Undeniable Impact Of Naya Rivera and Santana Lopez

Wow, this is a tough one.

I didn't realize that it would be so difficult to get these words out.

Ever since hearing the news, I've been meaning to write this, to get everything out of my head. I don't know why, but there hasn't really been a celebrity death in my lifetime that has hit me this hard.

Sure, there have been many Greats in both acting and music who I looked up to and have great memories from, but with one role, I had never felt closer to a person.

Naya Rivera was unfortunately pronounced dead recently after a day out with her son.

I remember seeing the articles mentioning her first going missing and I was at a loss for words. I didn't want to believe that 2020 could get any worse, but it did.

It pains me to say that I lost hope long before they recovered the body. I think that with age, I'm starting to become more of a realist. Realistically, I didn't see any way that she would've made it. If I was a kid again, I would have never given up hope, and it sucks that I don't think that way anymore.

I guess that's still better than being a full on pessimist, though, I totally had a phase where I thought being a Debby-Downer and sharing all of my dark, pessimistic thoughts was "cool" or whatever.

It sucks when reality sinks in. I've seen all of the RIP posts and messages from people who actually met her and worked with her, and I've tried to tell myself that it shouldn't hurt as much as it does because I never knew her.

But it fucking hurts so much.

I didn't know her personally, but I was incredibly impacted by her and her role on Glee. That's the bulk of what I wanted to discuss. Why don't we dive into the icon that Naya Rivera portrayed: Santana Lopez?

Now, while we are on the subject of Glee, I am well aware of how problematic this show was. I guess, at the time it was airing, I was just so excited to see a show about singing with dramatic ass characters. As a young theater kid, that was all I could ask for.

Looking back, there were a lot of issues with the show and I'm not here to criticize it. Glee was one of my favorite shows in high school and I think that's okay. It was something I enjoyed at the time and something that made me feel like there were others like me. I remember seeing the cast of the show live in concert with a friend. I had all of the Glee karaoke games for Wii and would sing along with one of my best friends whenever we'd come back from our summer adventures.

I have great memories from that show, but I'm here now to discuss the best part of the show. The reason why it lives on so greatly in my mind.

There has never been a character on any television show ever that I have related to more than Santana Lopez. No television character has ever inspired me more than Santana Lopez.

I remember getting weird looks from friends when I'd tell them about my connection with this character. They would all say things like "but Kurt's gay and so are you."

Sure, that may be true, but my connection to Santana goes deeper than that. I never felt like a Kurt. I never acted like a Kurt. We were only both lucky enough to be super gay, but I never truly vibed with him.

When I watched Glee, I saw myself in Santana and it made me feel more comfortable as me.

Santana Lopez was also very gay, and it took her some time to realize it. Her journey always felt so genuine and real to the gay coming of age experience.

In high school I didn't know right away. I couldn't even say the 'g' word for a while. Halfway through junior year, I think it finally clicked and senior year I wanted to say I was out, but it wasn't until college that I became unapologetically me.

I owe a lot of that to the people in my life, but also to Santana Lopez. Glee was still running well into my college life, and I would go to Santana for solace, to remind myself who I was.

She was especially known for her brutal honesty and was commonly referred to as a "bitch" which she chose to proudly reclaim and for a bit, that was an identity that I also used. I was fine with giving people the straight-up truth even when they didn't ask for it. I didn't quite tell people off in the manner that Santana did, but I still felt like we had similar reactions to situations.

We both also loved singing and dancing, (which was a trait that most of the show's characters shared), but I feel like over time I got more confident in my abilities and so did she. (My personal opinion was that Naya Rivera was one of the most talented people on the show. Her versions of "Valerie," "Songbird" and "If I Die Young" were some of the best performances of the entire run of Glee and that's a fact.)

We both realized how powerful we were around the same time, we both figured out our sexual orientations around the same time—we even had the same graduating class. (I'm well aware that Naya Rivera was a bit older, but Santana Lopez was also class of 2012 and I will cherish this information forever.)

Along with that, I've recently been thinking about the character. A friend of mine mentioned on Twitter that he was gonna start watching Glee lat month and we both agreed that the only worthwhile part of the show was Santana.

In addition, I've been watching a bunch of compilation videos over the past few weeks highlighting some of Santana's best lines. I only watched them for fun because I wasn't really ready to rewatch six seasons of Glee, especially since this is the person I was watching it for and I could just watch a short video instead.

I'm not saying this was a sign, but it's just such a strange coincidence and I just... I didn't even think that anything like this could happen out of nowhere.

All in all, Naya Rivera and Santana Lopez represented something real. Sure, this character was flawed in her own ways, and so are we, but I felt seen and proud to be me whenever I would watch Glee and see this character.

And I'm not the only one.

With the recent news, I've seen so many articles detailing the impact that both the actress and character have done for both the gay community and the latinx community. I've read stories from so many women who were inspired by Santana's coming out story because she made them feel like they could be themselves.

I don't think there will ever be another character who embodied so many of my feelings, thoughts. and insecurities like Santana Lopez. There just won't be another character like Santana Lopez, period.

I don't want to say goodbye to Naya Rivera. She had so much more to do and say. One of the most heartbreaking things I heard about what happened was that she made sure her son was safe by boosting him onto the boat. She put him before herself because she was that kind of person and it's both incredibly sad and beautiful.

To honor her, the new Playlist of the Week features all of my favorite Santana Lopez performances from Glee.

Thank you, Naya Rivera for everything you've done for us. You will never be forgotten. Love you.